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´Crying´ What is it?

Today I realized for the first time, that there are a lot of different kinds of crying.

Between the tears that run down your face when you watch a movie, the ones we just show when we are happy or the ones which come deep from our heart, is a big big difference.

What is the difference actually?
In my opinion, its that what you feel in such moments.

Few days ago, I watched a very sad movie. Haha somehow really much I cried...embarassing
But after finishing the movie, i dried my tears, still thought about that movie, but could continue with doing other things, which means...I was not sad after that movie, I was sad while watching it, but only the tears appeared, not any feelings which would last.

I cried when I had to say goodbye to people, because every ´Goodbye´ is like losing something. With every goodbye, a part of you is dying. But.. in such moments, I cried because of ´fear´.

Today, I really cried a lot, i felt deeply saddened, soleful...and gloomy. I dont know when it started. Suddenly it was there and I watched something to take my mind off that things, but it didnt work. I cried and cried and I first realized that there is a big difference.
When I watched that movie few days ago, only my tears appeared, but today, my heart almost broke, every part of my body did ´hurt´, I was desperate, afraid of the future, I could hardly breathe and my tears didnt stop running down my face, i was so damn lonely...and I didnt want to live anymore.

Yes, there is a big difference.
I dont exactly know why I was so sad, I can explain it a little bit, because I know some reasons, but not the whole.
Im not saying that these three explanations over there are the only ´types of crying´, there are a lot more, but I wouldnt be able to finish this today, If i would write it down.

But im sure that everyone can agree with me, that the moments where you can really feel your tears all over your body, when they influence your whole life, that these moments are the worst in every single life..arent they?

BUT the truth the is, that no matter when you cry, how much you cry or what face you show, nobody knows how you really feel. Its not true that somebody could dry your whole tears, because only your heart can do it, because its your feelings which make you cry and nobody can touch them.
You can cry and at the same time, you can smile and say ´im ok now..thank you ´ .
The people in the picture are doing this. Some of them say ´im ok´, some try hard to smile.

But Everyone in this picture is damn sad, every person is making a different face. And thats what we always do, because we are humans and the real soleful moments just appear when we are lonely.

20.1.09 01:56


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