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Ich fühle mich wirklich etwas unsicher.

Its still in my head and I keep being worried. It hurts a little bit.
9.4.09 11:38


Die Zeit ist hin

Die Zeit ist hin, du löst dich unbewusst
Und leise mehr und mehr von meiner Brust;
Ich suche dich mit sanftem Druck zu fassen,
Doch fühl ich wohl, ich hab dich gehen lassen.

So lass mich denn, bevor du weit von mir
Im Leben gehst, noch einmal danken dir;
Und magst du nie, was rettungslos vergangen,
In schlummerlosen Nächten heimverlangen.

Hier steh' ich nun und schaue bang zurück;
Vorüber rinnt auch dieser Augenblick,
Und wieviel Stunden dir und mir gegeben,
Wir werden keine mehr zusammen erleben.

Deine dich für immer liebende

(how romantic )
26.1.09 22:49

´Crying´ What is it?

Today I realized for the first time, that there are a lot of different kinds of crying.

Between the tears that run down your face when you watch a movie, the ones we just show when we are happy or the ones which come deep from our heart, is a big big difference.

What is the difference actually?
In my opinion, its that what you feel in such moments.

Few days ago, I watched a very sad movie. Haha somehow really much I cried...embarassing
But after finishing the movie, i dried my tears, still thought about that movie, but could continue with doing other things, which means...I was not sad after that movie, I was sad while watching it, but only the tears appeared, not any feelings which would last.

I cried when I had to say goodbye to people, because every ´Goodbye´ is like losing something. With every goodbye, a part of you is dying. But.. in such moments, I cried because of ´fear´.

Today, I really cried a lot, i felt deeply saddened, soleful...and gloomy. I dont know when it started. Suddenly it was there and I watched something to take my mind off that things, but it didnt work. I cried and cried and I first realized that there is a big difference.
When I watched that movie few days ago, only my tears appeared, but today, my heart almost broke, every part of my body did ´hurt´, I was desperate, afraid of the future, I could hardly breathe and my tears didnt stop running down my face, i was so damn lonely...and I didnt want to live anymore.

Yes, there is a big difference.
I dont exactly know why I was so sad, I can explain it a little bit, because I know some reasons, but not the whole.
Im not saying that these three explanations over there are the only ´types of crying´, there are a lot more, but I wouldnt be able to finish this today, If i would write it down.

But im sure that everyone can agree with me, that the moments where you can really feel your tears all over your body, when they influence your whole life, that these moments are the worst in every single life..arent they?

BUT the truth the is, that no matter when you cry, how much you cry or what face you show, nobody knows how you really feel. Its not true that somebody could dry your whole tears, because only your heart can do it, because its your feelings which make you cry and nobody can touch them.
You can cry and at the same time, you can smile and say ´im ok now..thank you ´ .
The people in the picture are doing this. Some of them say ´im ok´, some try hard to smile.

But Everyone in this picture is damn sad, every person is making a different face. And thats what we always do, because we are humans and the real soleful moments just appear when we are lonely.

20.1.09 01:56

Living and having happy times, living and having sad times. Walking and smiling, sitting and sometimes crying.
Sleeping and dreaming, trying to sleep and thinking.
Shouting and going, loving and staying.
Listen and giving advices, talking and hearing advices.
Being alone or having somebody.
Making choices or expecting help.
Being depressed or being happy.
Got the wrong direction, or the right one.
Dying or living.

These are some normal stages of life you might have go through. Some of them will change and some will just be a part of your life, triggered cause of your decisions. It could be that you are not able to go everywhere, because you might stick in one of these stages and dont have the power to move on.
But frankly speaking, everything i wrote over there is not everything what could happen and just a tiny bit of the life.

My life...well, i cannot explain it. Im even not entirely sure what i´ve gone through already, but im sure that im sticking in ´something´, whatever it is.
But I know, that im able to move on, even if its very slow, but I have reasons to move on.

But theres something important I need to say.

Im spending my life, I will spend my life, I will go through some new stages of life, through a lot;

But...I will spend my whole life with thinking of what I´ve lost.

12.1.09 23:42

3.12.08 15:17

Man sollte das Leben nicht zu persönlich nehmen

Es kommt auch ohne einen aus.

28.11.08 01:09

Liebe mich, lächle mich an, du, hilf mir gut zu sein.
Verletze dich nicht an mir, es wäre unnütz,
verletze nicht mich, du verletzt sonst dich.

Meine Liebe zu dir, tiefer als jede dunkle Schlucht.

Meine Liebe zu dir, stärker als jedes Stückchen Stein.

Du wirst fallen, tief fallen, aber meine Liebe wird dich auffangen, auffangen in einem langen Fall, auffangen bevor der Fall zuende geht, weil nichts tiefer ist als meine Liebe zu dir.

Du wirst leiden, du wirst weinen, du wirst auch fast zerbrechen.
Meine Liebe, habe keine Angst, ich werde dich halten, du wirst nicht kaputt gehen, weil nichts stärker ist als meine Liebe zu dir.

5.11.08 21:58

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